Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Henry vs. Everything

I haven’t been writing lately, and that’s not about to change. Demands of work, parenting and life have gotten the better of my writing schedule.

Starting in October, I have a new gig writing a monthly column on the intersection of healthcare and finances for a new site called, an online investment management service. My first post will explain out-of-network health insurance benefits (and why you never see the full 70% your insurance company claims to cover). The second post, in November, will explain hospital bills, specifically why the hospital “charges” you 80 grand to give birth in its bed.

In the meantime, I would be remiss were I not to leave you with a little recap of the past couple of months. The title of the post is an homage to one of my favorite bloggers, Brooklynite Liz Catalano, who writes Zoe vs. The Universe. Liz is smart, funny and a talented writer, so get thee to her corner of the Interwebs.

Henry vs. Jeff Koons

I took Henry to the Whitney Museum to see the Jeff Koons Retrospective. I thought I was so cultured. What a wonderful mother, exposing her child to art at such a young age.


You see, the Play-Doh sculpture is not actually Play-Doh. But a two-year-old can’t tell the difference. All he knew was that I had cruelly teased him by placing him before a gigantic mass of Play-Doh with which he was not allowed to play. Let’s just say it did not go well for me.

Henry vs. The Cartwheel

We went to the beach a few times this summer, which Henry loved. Here he is trying to do a cartwheel with his cousin. They were imitating their older cousin/sister (respectively).

Not quite, but cute all the same.

Henry vs. The Wedding

Rayne’s sister got married in a lovely ceremony at the end of August. Henry was to be one of the ring bearers.

He disagreed.

As a result, Moo Cow carried him down the aisle whimpering and sniffling. He then watched videos on my phone in the front row.

Henry vs. Mold

The house we bought was built in 1899, but since it was “gut renovated,” we thought we might escape any major repairs for a year or two. But apparently “gut renovated,” for contractors based in Staten Island, means “covering up the visible black mold with new sheet rock; no one will ever know the difference.” Don’t ask how we figured it out, but Henry’s room now looks like this.

He’s been sleeping on a mattress in our room for the past two weeks. So far, his favorite ways to wake us up at 6 am are to 1) open my eyelid with his finger and scream in my face or 2) throw a giant ball in Rayne’s face while yelling, “you wanna catch da ball, Daddy?”

Henry vs. Moo Cow

I love my little monkey, but I currently sport an ever-so-slightly deviated septum and black-and-blues galore. I’m also perpetually covered in poop given his penchant for flipping, kicking and screaming whenever I try to change him. But, you know, I love him to death.

I hope to return to writing here regularly in the winter. In the meantime, keep an eye out for my pieces on Thanks for reading.

Moo Cow signing off (for now)