I want a snack.
I shouldn't have a snack, I'm trying to lose weight.
But I'm so pissy tonight. I just want a snack.
No, I'll regret it later.
No, it will make me feel better.
Not in the long run.
Okay, if I can think of something amazing, I'll get it.
I know! Banana pudding with 'Nilla Wafers from that amazing cupcake place!
Photo credit: Andy Ciordia
I salivated as I walked. The banilla pudding would totally be worth it. I had first discovered the treat at Magnolia Bakery one evening while out cavorting with a younger boy during my naughty phase. This was back in the B.C. era, that is, Before the Chain, when Magnolia was just a kick-ass bakery in the West Village and not an international tourist trap.
I amused myself with memories until I arrived.
Oooh, noooooo, I said.
Oooh, noooooo, I responded.
It was closed.
Meltdown-worthy, wouldn't you say?
Well, I kept it together this time. But I don't always.
Speaking of which, if you have not heard by now, I tell one of my ridiculous meltdown stories in an essay collection called The Mother of All Meltdowns. It begins:
I lost my cool on a fine January afternoon over one simple word: hat.Want to know the whole story? Well, you'll have to buy the book, where you will also find 29 other hilarious, heartbreaking, truthful stories of moms losing it.
Every mother, at some point, inevitably becomes her own worst enemy. In a millisecond, her halo crumbles and she has a moment so crazed it is forever known as the one…The Mother of All Meltdowns. The following anthology was written by women who have had their moments. Together we have experienced the anguish and frustration of the adult-sized tantrum. We have shed the tears, dropped to our knees in agony, and asked the age-old question, “Why me?” From poop-decorated rooms to having our liquid gold scrutinized and confiscated by TSA, we’re not afraid to share our collection of thirty tell-all stories. We are survivalists and know that within every meltdown there is a silver lining.
And it's your lucky day, because today only you can download the Kindle version for just $0.99! (You can also get the paperback version for regular price.)
If you’re a mom, you’ll relate -- trust me. Join our community!
- Follow on Twitter: @MOAMtheBook
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Important post script: I think it is safe to say that none of this would have been possible without the ever-resourceful mastermind, Crystal Ponti of Mommifried. I am so grateful to her and humbled by her energy and smarts. Thank you, Crystal!