Friday, October 11, 2013

Dear Sanctimonious Brooklyn

Dear All of Sanctimonious Brooklyn,

Yes, it's true. I ride a Citibike -- the lovechild of evil corporation Citibank and soon-to-be-former Mayor Bloomberg -- AND participate in a CSA. No need to look so shocked. Or comment so dryly. Just keep minding your own business, and I will avoid pointing out the ludicrousness of your horn-rimmed spectacles and non-matching pant legs.

Oh, wait, one more thing. You should sit down for this. I am a progressive Democrat AND I love Bloomberg. Given the choice, I might even vote him in for a fourth term. According to Fareed Zakaria in The Future of Freedom, liberal autocracies have a pretty good track record. (Illiberal democracies, not as much.) I blew your mind with that one, didn't I?

Just kidding. I heart democracy. (But I would still vote for Bloomberg again.)

Hard as it is to believe, despite the complete absence of tattoos and superfluous piercings, I live in hipster Brooklyn, too. And although I function independently of the hive mind that produced the idea for artisanal mayonnaise, I still want to feed my family fresh, organic produce.

Woah, woah. Try not to breathe so quickly through your mouth. Do you need a paper bag?

Listen, I have an idea for a compromise. I won't comment on the amount of smoke you blow in my face, and you can shut your fat trap about my choice of transportation. If only Congress could come to terms so easily.


Moo Cow

ps - You make me want to move to the Bronx.

pps - I'm sneakily linking this up with Finish the Sentence Friday because I love the hosts and have always wanted to participate. Once in public, I saw somebody... unleash a snark attack on an unsuspecting mom just trying to feed her family fresh produce and be a good citizen in the process. Oh wait, that happened to me. This evening.