Thursday, August 15, 2013

Ten Tried and True Ways to Make Your Moo Cow Lose Her Mind

Henry's first blog post came in January, when he contributed "7 Fun Games to Play With Milk" at the tender age of 13 months. Weaning babies everywhere wrote in to thank him for his suggestions. Now that he is a big boy of 20 months, he is sharing his tried and true toddler shenanigans.

1. Steal an organic lime from the grocery store and stash it in your stroller. Look clueless when she asks you about it.

2. Climb out of your crib during "nap" time, using the Diaper Genie as a literal stepping stone to the changing table. Let her discover you with a tube of diaper cream in your mouth. She'll be freaked out because she looked at the monitor and you weren't there. Just smile.

3. Climb onto the kitchen table to steal a plum and consume it whole, even the pit.

4. Reset the air conditioner in her bedroom to 64 degrees so she wakes up shivering two mornings in a row before realizing what happened.

5. Wake up at 11 pm and stay up until 1:30 am telling her stories about your day. She loves stories.

6. Try to eat the pretty pomegranates in the pretty, expensive bowl. Serves her right for buying fake fruit as decoration. Sheesh.

7. Play in the dog's water bowl.

8. Wake her up by pouring her nightstand water glass on the bed.

9. Throw everything on the floor. Apologize by saying "uh-oh" in a really cute voice. She can't get mad, trust me.

10. Figure out how to open every "child-proof" lock she can put in your way. Heh heh. Child proof. That's funny. Said the china cabinet to no one ever.

Your toddler can send Henry's fan mail to how-is-this-my-life (at) gmail (dot) com.

Image courtesy of Master Isolated Images /