Thursday, January 24, 2013

Tomato-Red Retail Therapy

In the wake of my ego-deflating facial experience last week, I have been walking around with the giant albatross of aging draped over my shoulders like a cloak of hatred. It's not been fun.

On Tuesday, I was in Manhattan for a client meeting and then was to meet Rayne for dinner. I was early. I walked toward his office in Hedgefundlandia (Midtown East) and lo and behold, what was before me but that beacon of overpriced fashion, Bloomingdale's. I went in to buy mascara, because somehow after my poop-scooping-jeans-ripping experience, I had misplaced it. I figured it would turn up if I bought some more, and then I'd have extra!

I successfully navigated the throngs of gay men hawking new scents (and one who commented on how beautiful my skin was, and did I need any products to enhance it? You are a bad liar, sir.) and purchased my favorite black mascara, Hypnose by Lancome.

Rayne still was not ready. There was nothing left to do but go up to the women's floors.

I think you know where this is going.

I stopped at DKNY and perused the sales racks. (I only buy clothing on sale. Didn't you know? That's why I dress so badly.) There were a few dresses left over from the holiday season, and I had an idea. One of my best friends from college is getting married in LA in February, and clearly, the ten dresses in my closet would not do for such a momentous occasion.

I tried on a few that made me look like a stuffed sausage, but then there was one... a tomato-red A-line dress that fit me to a T(after sucking in my baby tummy). After donning my DKNY corset suit of armor body shaper, it would look perfect. It was on MEGA SALE. 79 PERCENT OFF.

Here it is:
A-line dress from DKNY.

I continued on my way, browsing the ridiculously expensive boutiques. Who can afford to dress like this? The only people buying full-price items were foreigners.

Maybe I should return this dress, I thought to myself in a classic case of buyer's remorse.

Then, I saw them.

Tomato-red, suede, peep-toe stilettos from UK brand Reiss.

And they were on sale. MEGA SALE. 70 PERCENT OFF. There were three pairs left, and one of those three was Euro size 37 -- MY SIZE. Fate had brought me to this place, and who was I to deny fate?

Here they are:
Monique heels from Reiss.

The entire outfit cost me $170. And it looks hot.

See you in Santa Monica, bitches.

I had to ditch my terrible commenting system, but I didn't want to lose the comments, so here they are: