Thursday, December 6, 2012

10 Things I Learned This Year

December is a chronologically appropriate time for reflection. We humans love beginnings and ends; they give the illusion that we have more control over what occurs on our floating marble than I think we really do.

As luck has it, December also coincides with my first anniversary of motherhood.

So, in the spirit of the season of reflection, I present you with a list of pithy observations about my Year in Motherhood.

10 Things I Learned This Year From Henry

1. My mom was right about a lot of stuff. (Dagnabbit!)

2. My mom wasn't right about everything. (Bazinga!)

3. I am willing to hug a small child while he pukes all over me.

4. I am willing to catch, with my bare hands, my child's poop as it exits his butt to prevent it from plopping into the bathwater. I am willing to fetch from said bathwater missed poop with said bare hands. I am also willing to physically pull slightly stuck poop out of said butt with said hands protected only by a single baby wipe. Blech.

5. I can do sit-ups and Kegels until the moo cows (urban or otherwise) come home, but my body will never, ever be the same.

6. I can kick ass at athletic events anyway. (Like this one and this one.)  Boo-ya.

7. Moms don't get sick days. (Ever, ever, ever.) At most, we get to sleep sitting up in a recliner that doesn't recline.

8. Two words: Mom Clogs.

9. I can be a morning person. Fuck mornings -- past, present and future.

10. I ache with love -- potent, profound, pure -- for my little boy.

I love you, too, Moo Cow.

What did you learn this year?