Sunday, July 1, 2012

In My Defense

I owe you all an apology. I swore that I would not be a mommy blogger who wrote about poop, but that's what I did.

I am excusing myself, though, because I wrote it under the influence of a concussion. Yes, that's right. On Friday, I gave myself a concussion while bending down, apparently quite violently, to pick up a binky that Henry had flung out the side of the crib over night. On the way down I hit my head really, really hard on the corner of a shelf. It hurt so much I didn't even make a sound. I'm pretty sure I turned a few shades of gray before developing a headache, nausea and that groggy feeling you get when you've had too much to drink to drive, but not enough to have fun.

Somehow, in between indenting my skull and going to the emergency room, I wrote a post about poop. I hope you can forgive me.

I sat in the emergency room for a total of five hours before being seen. Not a problem. It wasn't like I had to pack for our family trip to Idaho the next morning, or anything. While trying very hard not to watch Access Hollywood on the hospital television, my thoughts inevitably turned to the other time I had given myself a concussion.

In college, I took a women's self-defense class taught by two characters from campus police -- a five foot tall woman and an enormous teddy bear of a man who had to have been at least 6'5". For our certificate, we had to suit up in an American Gladiator type outfit, pads on every limb and complete with a caged face mask. The objective was to get past the Teddy Bear as he pretended to threaten us by using the moves we had learned in the class. Teddy was also padded and masked up. No one was going to get hurt.

By the third go-around, Teddy was talking some serious smack and making it more difficult for us to "escape." I am definitely a hothead now, but back then I was way quicker to anger. And with all of the adrenaline from the first two scenarios... well, I snapped. In the process of "defending" myself, I grabbed his face mask and thwap! snapped it toward me, head butting him. Hard.

Teddy reeled as everyone cheered. I had won! Alas, it was a pyrrhic victory. I was seeing stars and feeling pretty wobbly. Even Teddy had taken off his mask to rub his head.

They sent me to the campus infirmary, who diagnosed a slight concussion and told me to stay the night for observation. Um, no. I had a paper to write. I went back to my dorm room and stayed up all night finishing the paper. Obviously, a college paper is more important than possible brain swelling.

Anyway, hopefully Henry did not inherit my propensity for self-injury. But if he did, at least I'll know what to do when he hits his head.