Sunday, June 24, 2012

Nursing Makes Me Hot

Not hot, as in turned on (sorry, honey). Hot, as in hormonally melting from the inside out. As in, the back of my neck is a tiny furnace, and if I don't get my hair off of it, I will spontaneously combust.

Pregnancy also made me feel hot. I ate quarts and quarts of gazpacho and begged Rayne for cold Ramen noodles every other night. Nursing, however, is much worse. And I hear menopause is amazing. Goody gumdrops.

Nevertheless, for those of you who feel the same way I do, whether pregnant, nursing or menopausal, I recommend the following tried-and-true remedies, in no particular order: Edy’s Fruit Pops; Ciao Bella sorbet (I’m currently obsessing over a Raspberry/Peach Ginger combo, although I have been known to polish off a pint of Mango in two sittings, max); sticking your head in the freezer for a few seconds (which I have definitely done on more than one occasion); and frozen bananas with chocolate sauce.

The optimal time of day for these cooling methods is the middle of the night. How convenient! While pregnant, I "slept" sitting up on the couch for most of the last trimester. I'm usually up in the middle of the night nursing. And menopause is supposedly no better for sleeping, either. See? It all makes sense. Nature has it all figured out for us. We are meant to eat sorbet in the middle of the night. It's all part of the Plan.

So, when the heat hits, go ahead and hit the freezer. If anyone questions your logic, just send him to the Mommy Moo Cow, and I'll straighten him right out. You're welcome.