For the rest of you, I thought you'd be interested to know that I have already murdered one plant:
I could freak out and blame the toxic air in our apartment, but the truth is I over-watered this unfortunate fern the first day we got it. Rayne said I should give the plants a little extra water after we potted them since the transplant process can be traumatic. I interpreted this to mean that I should pour enough water to overflow the pot and create a rivulet our wood flooring.
I could say that I did it on purpose to keep the other plants in line. But I didn't. I'm just a terrible gardener.